Self-revulsion

EXCERPT FROM THE LONG NIGHT

Mühldorf

“I was shocked when I saw my pelvis and thigh bones from which almost all my muscleflesh had disappeared. I was overwhelmed with disgust for my own body. It was as if I was looking at a stranger that I wanted to have nothing to do with. I was in a state of mental turmoil; it was as if in my own mind I was confronted by two people who provoked a feeling of hostility: one suffering because of their interminable gruesome experiences, and the other who was reluctant to believe the evidence of his own eyes and condemned what he saw. For a long time, I was deeply troubled by these feelings and thoughts. I very clearly remember these thoughts and feelings to this very day, but I cannot completely comprehend them after so many years.”

 

Prisoners depicted by artist Walter Spitzer [Collections of the Auschwitz-Birkenau State Museum]

Mühldorf campMuselmannPsychology
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